Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
