Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
