Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
