You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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