I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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