I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
