By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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