I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
