i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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