blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
