I think I am morally bankrupt
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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