I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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