Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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