Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
