where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
