so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
