You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
