I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
