even my farts smell like vagina
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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