the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
