you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
