Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
