You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
