I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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