Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
