I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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