i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
this is an emotional support booty call
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
