she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
