he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
