I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
