I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
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