If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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