also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She bit a glass in half.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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