my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
