just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
