My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
