Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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