i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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