Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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