Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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