ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
