Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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