There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
