My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
