Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
