the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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