yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
