singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
