Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Randomize
