spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
