The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
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