I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
