I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
