The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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