Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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