Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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