so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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