John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize