my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
