I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
