I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
