That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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