I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
