new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
