Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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