if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Please, let me fuck your mom
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
