my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
