In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
