Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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