What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She's JV to your varsity
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
