I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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