First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
