I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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