Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
