Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
