is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
